danfriend

Comment to be added, kids.

This took me twenty minutes in school.

It's often been said that nice guys finish last. While it may seem like that to most, it's just simply not the case. I've compiled a list for my own amusement (as well as yours) ranking the ability of certain people to "win" the opposite sex (first being most likely, last being least likely).

1) Pretty people

2) Assholes

3) Really really fugly people

4) Plain ugly people

5) Convicts

6) NICE GUYS

7) Pedophiles

8) Pretty botards (the mentally deficient)

9) Ugly botards (the mentally deficient)

10) Fugly botards (the mentally deficient)


See? So nice guys really don't have it that bad.

Greg: and they said that it was immoral to have bomb sniffing dogs because it's dangerous and the dogs don't know it's dangerous

Greg: and i said, well, if it was possible to have bomb-sniffing retards, i'm sure they would have done it

I was talking to a friend of mine who seemed like a rather firm believer of eugenics. I tried to have a reasonable conversation about it, but it gets frustrating. This led to abortion. Then religion makes an appearance, blah blah blah.

Pros of abortion:

1. The fetus wants it anyway.
2. You don't have a uterus parasite
3. They let you keep it


Cons of abortion:

1. You're giving up a possible organ donor
2. It costs money (assuming you don't try the home version)
3. It doesn't feel too nice

Why choose abstinence, my friends? Let's ask a few normal teens, just like yourself!

" You can enjoy being young."
-Natasha, 14.

" You could accomplish the goals you set in middle school."
-Rodney, 15.

" If I don't become a parent as a teenager, I can enjoy my life."
-Stephanie, 13.

" I wouldn't worry my parents so they wouldn't die of so much stress."
- Angela, 13.

" I can fulfill my dreams for the future. My dream is to be an FBI agent."
- Chantel, 13.

" Teenagers should keep their eye on the prize and never give up and should continue to pursue their dreams."
-Jamal, 16.

" I will be able to live life the way I want until I'm ready to have a family..I wouldn't ruin my parents lives."
-Catherine, 13.

" I could do normal things teenagers do."
-Kevin, 14.

" I will be able to save my money so I can go shopping for myself. I would also be able to sleep all I want."
-Kristin, 13.

" If I wait to have sex, I'm the smartest person in the world."
-Jeanette, 12.



There you have it. I know I'm convinced...

I want to run out into the middle of the road and start dancing. Then the neighbors can look out their windows and be all "look at that young man, he sure can boogie." They will all run out to join me. It will be like a big party. I think we should dance to Joy Division. They have some really sexy beats that one can very easily get down with. Although there better not be anyone that is better at dancing than me. I don't like competition. Ian Curtis can show up and dance too. He's really good when he's not suffering from epilepsy. Or dead. Halfway through "she's lost control," that crazy old neighbor of mine, McGarnacle, can yell out, "You crazy kids better stop that dancin'!" We'll be all like, "Whoooa, we sure hate that blasted McGarnacle." So, we devise a plan to get rid of him. It's one of those silly deals where we get some other grumpy woman to full in love with him.

I'll just assume everything worked out as planned, and that the crazy ol' McGarnacle no longer yells at us for street boogying. Now my character, let's call him Aerial, is out boogying for some time now, but no one boogies with him! They all dance around him. He's very hurt by this, as he should be. I mean, he did start the boogie and all. So, Aerial runs away from the party thing crying. This is the really sad part of the story, a tissue may be necessary.

Aerial runs down to a ravine to encounter a pack forest thugs. They start hassling the boy and he yells things at them. This only provokes the tree urchins, they run at him with clubs. Aerial screams, "Don't hurt me! I can make your dreams come true!" They asked how, and Aerial showed them the utopia he created, aptly named DanceLand. They were happy to boogie at a place with smooth tunes, but they kicked Aerial in the shins for not thinking of a better name for the place.

Aerial learned that material possessions do not necessarily result in happiness. That, or he learned that boogying is fun.